How we are rejecting the gifts that life is offering us

I expect that the first comment to this title would be something like: “I never do that, if someone would offer me something I would gladly accept it.” However, the truth is that we reject most of the things that life is offering us, that we aren’t even aware of. Let’s name some examples.

A new blouse and a luxurious trip

We meet up with a friend and she tells us how our new blouse is great, that it has a lovely color and design. Our first response to a comment like that may be: “Thanks, I bought it on a sale at the mall.” Or it could go something like: “Well, I don’t really like it, but I didn’t have much choice.” While, at the moment we might be thinking: “Is her compliment really honest? Is she really thinking that or is she going around telling everybody how fat I am and that I don’t have any taste.” Here is another, more drastic example. A friend (maybe even a stranger), offers you a luxurious free trip. Would you accept it?

Most of us would probably reject the offer while wondering about their hidden agenda, some would feel the need to  return the offer and others would accept the offer while feeling uneasy and vulnerable. The same way we behave towards our own skills. What happens when we learn some foreign language, take dance or singing lessons, and we never use the knowledge we gained, to talk, dance or sing in front of someone. Also, very often we tend to respect others more than ourselves. I will give you another example, of a situation that happened to me the other day. I was with my parents at home, expecting guests to come to dinner. My mother and I were setting the table with new porcelain plates and at the last moment the guests cancelled and we were left to have dinner alone. My parents then replaced the porcelain plates with ordinary ones  they eat from every day.

Photography: Vladimir Tomić

For some special occasion

Why do we always save our expensive shoes, perfumes, luxurious lingerie only for some special occasion? Always feeling afraid they will get worn, ripped or dirtied, instead of enjoying them NOW.  Because now is all we have.

What about every time we achieve success, how do we feel about ourselves then? Are we proud of ourselves and do we celebrate them with friends or are we ashamed so we don’t even talk about them?

What is hidden behind this kind of behavior?

It is our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us that we picked up from the past from our parents, authority figures, friends, the media…and from various experiences that we lived, that dictate our behavior. These beliefs give us certain information on which we base our reality, how we perceive ourselves, our environment and the behavior of others. For example they can make us believe we are ugly, fat or that we don’t have taste (so we project this kind of thinking on to our friend). Other people are the ones that are bad and dangerous and can only expect evil things from. People are dishonest, hypocritical and are only looking out for themselves. You can’t count on anyone. (That is the reason why we reject their services and help and we doubt their intentions). Life is hard. Life is a struggle, suffering and pain. Nothing comes easy, for everything you need to make an effort. (That is why we reject everything we think we didn’t earn with our work). I am not enough good/worthy to accept, to have, to own, to spend money, wear a new dress, perfume, shoes… (That is why we don’t use them but instead save them for some special occasion or because we feel guilty about spending money). Someone who is proud of his success is intrusive, selfish. Someone who stands out is always alone. People are jealous of the people who achieved something in their life. (That is why we tend to hide our achievements and not talk about them). Of course, the type of beliefs we have differ and depend on what kind of influences we experienced.

Why is this so important?

We want friends but believe they are bad and dangerous. We want success, but believe because of it we will end up alone. We want material things, but at the same time judge them and think we are not worthy of them. Most of the time our beliefs and desires are not aligned. This is a big problem because in this state we send mixed signals. The awareness of our own beliefs is of key importance for our personal development. Even when we don’t give them a great importance, we can learn how to accept them consciously.

For us to become successful we must learn how to accept

Conscious acceptance is very simple to learn but will surely take some time to practice it. Bad habits cannot be expected to change overnight. So, the next time we get a compliment, we can respond by simply saying “Thank you”, to FEEL the gratefulness and believe in the honesty of the other person who expressed it, and with gratefulness start to accept all the gifts and kindness from other people, to start to ask other for help when needed, to praise our achievements and to rejoice in them, to start enjoying the things we buy or get (because only then they have their worth), to start using the skills we learned and to enjoy in the all the beauty of life. Only then we send a message to the Universe that : “Life is wonderful. People wish me only good. I love and accept myself.” It is then that abundance can start entering our lives.

Author: Ana