Without attachment and control for a happier life

Very often I see people where their need for control of others, situations and events lead them to many destructive and unreasonable actions. We try to conquer ourselves, others, circumstances, but from all of these situations we end up even more frustrated. So, to what degree can we control our own life and the situations that in it?

From resistance to acceptance

What is in common with an unexpected summer rainfall where we got drenched and an earthquake where we lost our home? It’s something that has happened that we didn’t plan and it was an event we couldn’t control. In this post I wouldn’t get into the definition of free will and the creation of events, but I am going to limit it to our narrow view from the third dimension, where we currently are. And from that viewpoint we can say: “The things that I cannot change currently I have to accept and choose to believe that there is a reason for everything that is happening.” We cannot change the things that are happening, but we can change our reaction to them. Living in resistance is wasting of energy, all the while it leads to many dysfunctional behaviors and physical disorders. We have to stop separating events on positive and negative. All of them are just simply situations that carry some kind of message. When we accept them as something neutral, what they truly are, we will open up to an unlimited database of knowledge and experience and get upgraded to the “high class of the Earth school”.This is sometimes really hard to do, since we are identified with our Ego – with our body, emotions and thinking patterns. Our consciousness is narrowed and we tend to judge people and circumstance and resist everything that we think is threatening us on an emotional and physical level. When we stop identifying with the Ego, we will start looking at everything that is happening to us from a distance, like watching a movie in the theatre. Then, the pain and suffering lessen, and our efficiency in solving problems becomes greater, which leads us in the long run to a significantly higher quality and harmony of life.

Photography: Srđan Garčević (@sergesrdjan)

Attachment and control in relationships

About this subject a lot can be written and I think that most of the suffering is caused by dysfunctional interpersonal relationships that are most often the relationship between partners and with children. For now, I would like to focus on why we have the need to control others and think we have the right to rule the lives of other people.

The first question I would ask you is: “Whose are your children and partner? Do you think you have the right to make decisions instead of them and to correct them for their own good?”  Our parents, brothers, sisters and all of our children are not our ownership! In some kind of way, they even aren’t ours. We are blood related to them or related by marriage, but they are not ours. Do you know who they belong to? To themselves! They are their own Beings*, that have agreed to share their lives with us and who can at any point in time decide to go their own way. We can with our own example present them with possibilities, but the decision must be theirs. Everybody has their own path and we must not go against their own free will and make decisions instead of them. That kind of behavior is pure arrogance because we are playing God with a completely narrowed consciousness from our current point of view. Some experiences, that may seem to us like totally meaningless, might be necessary for some to experience. And it would be good if we stop referring to our need for control of others as love. Because this is anything except love. If we think that this is love, then our definition of love is really dysfunctional. That kind of behavior comes from fear, not from love. Love and fear cannot go together.

If we have the need to control others, it would be useful to ask ourselves why is it that way. Did we lose ourselves by identifying with others? If this is the reason, then every time someone goes away from our life we will feel as though we have lost a part of ourselves also, because we have built our identity on them. And this causes pain, even though it is also our greatest false belief. We need to realize that we are not our children or partner. But, do we know who we really are at all? And who do we belong to? We only belong to ourselves. Our own Being came here to grow, mature, progress and to learn Unconditional Love! Not possessiveness, not ownership, but respect of the free will of every being with whom we crossed our path with!

*Being in text – All that is, the Soul with all of its experiences and characteristics

Photography: Stefan Barna (@barna_stefan)

Attachment to material things

The human Ego loves to possess. It loves to say: “This is mine!” During our lives we spend most of our time collecting our toys: cars, houses… And then, boom! Something happens, we lose something of our property and we get desperate. When we realize this one very important life truth, we will live a much happier life. We are not what we have obtained! Everything material that we have obtained we can also lose! This realization is not good or bad. It is neutral, and our choice is what are we going to do with it. I am not against material things. I am against the attachment to material things and it’s identification with it. The ones that identify their worth with their property, with the loss of it they lose themselves also. For them this is death, the end, a catastrophe, because now they think they are nothing. Material things are needed and there is nothing wrong in enjoying them. The basic human needs are really simple and most of us (unfortunately not all) can satisfy them. We can also enjoy in the material abundance. Just as long as we don’t emotionally depend on it. Only when we are satisfied when we have and when we don’t have, we open up to the inner feeling of freedom. And that is a state when we are happy for no apparent reason. We are happy for just existing. And that is the point where we can start to create consciously our own life.

                                                                                                                                                          Author: Ana